Problems with cheating or infidelity
The words ‘cheating’ and ‘infidelity’ have much stigma and negative connotations attached to them. At Sex Therapy – Perth we take a sex-positive approach to counselling but when we hunted around to find a word that fit that approach and communicated the issue, we couldn’t. Two-timing, adultery, affairs, flings, unfaithfulness, betrayal. They all have the same stigma attached.
We want to discuss cheating without that negativity, from the viewpoint that in every relationship there are a bunch of agreements and cheating is where one of those agreement has not been fulfilled.
Relationships are all about agreements and expectations. In every relationship there are a bunch of agreements; whether it be to turn up at work on time, to cook dinner during the week, to mow the lawn, you name it. We make agreements and create expectations all around us.
This is no different in our intimate relationships. In a relationship you may agree only to have sex with one another, or you might be dating and not yet exclusive or you may never agree to be exclusive.
When you break one of the agreements of your relationship it creates distance between you and your partner. Cheating isn’t inherently bad; it simply doesn’t empower your relationship. It doesn’t help create that real bond or closeness with the people we love.
Have you or your partner ever been sexually or romantically involved with someone outside of your relationship? Do you feel lost, hurt, and unsure how to make things right? Has cheating or lack of commitment gotten in the way of making lasting, meaningful relationships?
You are not alone.
Infidelity, or cheating, is one of the most common reasons couples seek sex and relationship counselling or therapy. About 1 in 7 couples will experience a cheating incident at some point in their lifetime.
We believe that early humans were very open sexually, often having multiple partners at any given time. As societies and cultures developed, we began to form expectations and rules around sex and relationships. This was primarily to maintain the family unit and control the passing on of lineage.
Today, many of us form relationships on the basis of fidelity, the trust that each partner will only engage in romantic or sexual behaviour with one another. When that trust is broken, people can experience intense feelings of betrayal, sadness, anger and confusion. Although some couples are able to make amends and work through incidents of cheating together, many people struggle to rebuild the trust.
This may look like:
• Frequent checking-in or monitoring partner's location
• Self-doubt and low self-worth
• Feeling skeptical and unbelieving
• Worry and anxiety when they are gone for an extended period
• Quizzing friends or family members about your partner
• Decreased feelings of vulnerability and intimacy
What causes cheating?
First, cheating is not an illness. It’s not like getting a urinary tract infection. It’s not something that you pick up.
However, there are some factors that could find you or your partner in a situation where you are more likely to cheat or break an agreement in your relationship.
A recent study found that certain people, like those who identify as female, as highly religious or in early stages of a relationship, might be the least likely to have an affair. It found that people in a low quality of relationship or experience high feelings of loneliness may be at a higher risk of cheating.
Sometimes people may be more likely to engage in cheating behaviours if they are experiencing relational problems or emotional distress, although this is not the case in every situation.
If you or a loved one have experienced an affair or an incidence of cheating, don't wait and hope for things to get better on their own.
The fallout from an affair can dramatically impact the relationship and those involved if ignored. Sometimes it can be helpful to find support through close friends, confidants and people you can trust, to talk about the difficulties you have experienced. However, the effects of cheating tend to be severe and unforgiving. It can be helpful to reach out and get professional help.
How can I get help?
Cheating can cause intense stress, decreased self-worth and loss of trust and vulnerability. These issues can be deeply damaging when left unaddressed. Individuals and couples who have experienced unfaithfulness or cheating in their relationships can find healing.
Counselling (also known as psychotherapy) can help people manage the stress of infidelity and begin to make emotional repairs – both on a personal and relational level.
Sex therapy, or sex counselling, is designed to help people deal with issues related to sex, sexuality, and gender. Sexual infidelity is one of the most common reasons why people seek sex therapy treatment. Counsellors or psychologists who offer sex therapy are trained to help people navigate the repercussions of cheating in a relationship.
People who engage in sex counselling for cheating learn how to:
• Have difficult conversations about infidelity
• Ask forgiveness and offer forgiveness
• Trust one another and trust oneself
• Talk openly about sex and sexuality
• Move forward after experiencing betrayal or abuse
We know how difficult it can be to recover from an incidence of cheating. Our team at Sex Therapy Perth cares deeply about providing support for individuals and couples in our community who have experienced affairs, and we are here to help.
How can Sex Therapy Perth help?
We are here for you. We provide professional, evidence-based sex therapy and counselling services to our Perth community.
Our office is conveniently located at Upstairs, 4/94 Hay Street, SUBIACO, WA 6008.
Our sessions are completely confidential, so you can speak freely about your experiences without fear of judgement or exposure.
We offer an initial consultation session in person or over Zoom or telephone to help you get to know us better. Our counsellors and psychologists are experts in empowering people to deal with areas of life that are not working for them, particularly in the areas of sex and relationships.
To learn more about our team, click on the About tab. If you have questions or concerns, we would love to provide answers, please visit our Contact page for options.
If you are struggling with infidelity issues we are here to help. Call us now to find out more about relationship counselling or if you are ready to make an appointment you can do so easily online.
References
We want to discuss cheating without that negativity, from the viewpoint that in every relationship there are a bunch of agreements and cheating is where one of those agreement has not been fulfilled.
Relationships are all about agreements and expectations. In every relationship there are a bunch of agreements; whether it be to turn up at work on time, to cook dinner during the week, to mow the lawn, you name it. We make agreements and create expectations all around us.
This is no different in our intimate relationships. In a relationship you may agree only to have sex with one another, or you might be dating and not yet exclusive or you may never agree to be exclusive.
When you break one of the agreements of your relationship it creates distance between you and your partner. Cheating isn’t inherently bad; it simply doesn’t empower your relationship. It doesn’t help create that real bond or closeness with the people we love.
Have you or your partner ever been sexually or romantically involved with someone outside of your relationship? Do you feel lost, hurt, and unsure how to make things right? Has cheating or lack of commitment gotten in the way of making lasting, meaningful relationships?
You are not alone.
Infidelity, or cheating, is one of the most common reasons couples seek sex and relationship counselling or therapy. About 1 in 7 couples will experience a cheating incident at some point in their lifetime.
We believe that early humans were very open sexually, often having multiple partners at any given time. As societies and cultures developed, we began to form expectations and rules around sex and relationships. This was primarily to maintain the family unit and control the passing on of lineage.
Today, many of us form relationships on the basis of fidelity, the trust that each partner will only engage in romantic or sexual behaviour with one another. When that trust is broken, people can experience intense feelings of betrayal, sadness, anger and confusion. Although some couples are able to make amends and work through incidents of cheating together, many people struggle to rebuild the trust.
This may look like:
• Frequent checking-in or monitoring partner's location
• Self-doubt and low self-worth
• Feeling skeptical and unbelieving
• Worry and anxiety when they are gone for an extended period
• Quizzing friends or family members about your partner
• Decreased feelings of vulnerability and intimacy
What causes cheating?
First, cheating is not an illness. It’s not like getting a urinary tract infection. It’s not something that you pick up.
However, there are some factors that could find you or your partner in a situation where you are more likely to cheat or break an agreement in your relationship.
A recent study found that certain people, like those who identify as female, as highly religious or in early stages of a relationship, might be the least likely to have an affair. It found that people in a low quality of relationship or experience high feelings of loneliness may be at a higher risk of cheating.
Sometimes people may be more likely to engage in cheating behaviours if they are experiencing relational problems or emotional distress, although this is not the case in every situation.
If you or a loved one have experienced an affair or an incidence of cheating, don't wait and hope for things to get better on their own.
The fallout from an affair can dramatically impact the relationship and those involved if ignored. Sometimes it can be helpful to find support through close friends, confidants and people you can trust, to talk about the difficulties you have experienced. However, the effects of cheating tend to be severe and unforgiving. It can be helpful to reach out and get professional help.
How can I get help?
Cheating can cause intense stress, decreased self-worth and loss of trust and vulnerability. These issues can be deeply damaging when left unaddressed. Individuals and couples who have experienced unfaithfulness or cheating in their relationships can find healing.
Counselling (also known as psychotherapy) can help people manage the stress of infidelity and begin to make emotional repairs – both on a personal and relational level.
Sex therapy, or sex counselling, is designed to help people deal with issues related to sex, sexuality, and gender. Sexual infidelity is one of the most common reasons why people seek sex therapy treatment. Counsellors or psychologists who offer sex therapy are trained to help people navigate the repercussions of cheating in a relationship.
People who engage in sex counselling for cheating learn how to:
• Have difficult conversations about infidelity
• Ask forgiveness and offer forgiveness
• Trust one another and trust oneself
• Talk openly about sex and sexuality
• Move forward after experiencing betrayal or abuse
We know how difficult it can be to recover from an incidence of cheating. Our team at Sex Therapy Perth cares deeply about providing support for individuals and couples in our community who have experienced affairs, and we are here to help.
How can Sex Therapy Perth help?
We are here for you. We provide professional, evidence-based sex therapy and counselling services to our Perth community.
Our office is conveniently located at Upstairs, 4/94 Hay Street, SUBIACO, WA 6008.
Our sessions are completely confidential, so you can speak freely about your experiences without fear of judgement or exposure.
We offer an initial consultation session in person or over Zoom or telephone to help you get to know us better. Our counsellors and psychologists are experts in empowering people to deal with areas of life that are not working for them, particularly in the areas of sex and relationships.
To learn more about our team, click on the About tab. If you have questions or concerns, we would love to provide answers, please visit our Contact page for options.
If you are struggling with infidelity issues we are here to help. Call us now to find out more about relationship counselling or if you are ready to make an appointment you can do so easily online.
References
- Atkins, D. C., Marín, R. A., Lo, T. T., Klann, N., & Hahlweg, K. (2010). Outcomes of couples with infidelity in a community-based sample of couple therapy. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(2), 212.
- Labrecque, L. T., & Whisman, M. A. (2017). Attitudes toward and prevalence of extramarital sex and descriptions of extramarital partners in the 21st century. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(7), 952.
- Ziv, I., Lubin, O. B. H., & Asher, S. (2018). “I Swear I Will Never Betray You”: Factors Reported by Spouses as Helping Them Resist Extramarital Sex in Relation to Gender, Marriage Length, and Religiosity. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(2), 236-251.
- Isanejad, O., & Bagheri, A. (2018). Marital Quality, Loneliness, and Internet Infidelity. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 21(9), 542-548.
- Allen, E. S., & Rhoades, G. K. (2007). Not all affairs are created equal: Emotional involvement with an extradyadic partner. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 34(1), 51-65.
- Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 213-231.