In addition to Sex Therapy Perth, Alana works in private practice at Bare Intimacy, ​www.bareintimacy.com.au

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that’s designed to help individuals or couples talk about their sex life in a safe space. Sexual satisfaction can be impacted by a variety of factors including medical, personal, interpersonal, and psychological. Making improvements in your sex life involve confronting or address these factors, with or without an expert.
Many people feel alone and ashamed because of their sexual identity or traumatic life events, such as sexual or emotional abuse. And while it’s true that every person’s sexual life is shaped by their own experiences – they’re not alone in their desire to reach out for help.
At Sex Therapy Perth, we provide a safe, confidential and non-judgmental ‘free-zone’ to our clients so they can freely explore and reconnect with who they really are. We believe everyone deserves assistance in overcoming challenges that prevent them from experiencing a healthy sex life and forming empowering relationships from a place of unconditional self-love and intimacy.

Understanding How Sex Therapy WorksSex therapy is specially designed to help people address matters that relate to sexual intimacy, attraction, identity, addiction, and trauma, among other things. A sex therapist is trained to help you:

• Understand your sexual identity
• Identify the root causes of problems
• Get a handle on stress
• Effectively handle compulsive sexual behaviour
• Become comfortable with your sexuality and have more satisfying sex
• Develop sexual curiosity and desire
• Find a solution for sexual difficulties
• Working through emotional and psychological trauma resulting from encounters of a sexual nature

Many people are terrified of the mere suggestion of seeing a therapist and jump to the incorrect conclusion that something is wrong. But the truth is, individuals and couples can learn a thing or two from sex therapy – even if there’s nothing inherently wrong in the bedroom. A sex therapist can unearth things from a unique perspective – an outsider’s perspective that can help you find answers and get the professional guidance you need.

How Can Sex Therapy Help?Sex therapy can be an effective mode of treatment for individuals of any age, gender, or sexual orientation. A typical sex therapy session starts by talking with a mental health professional. You can address many concerns about your sexual feelings, intimacy, and sexual function, in individual, couples or family therapy.
And despite what many people may believe, sex therapy is relatively tame. It’s not about learning new kinks or tricks in the bedroom. It’s about working through a range of issues from intimacy to sexual dysfunction.
We understand that sex therapy can be a frightening experience for the uninitiated – you’re entering into uncharted territory and talking about your sexuality and experience. This may leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed – but a sex therapist can provide you with the tools you need to make ground-breaking improvements in the quality of your life, not just your performance behind closed doors.         
The term ‘sex’ itself refers to a broad set of physiological characteristics that we are born with. Sex isn’t always as simple as categorizing people into males and females – researchers show that gender exists on a continuum and varies from person to person.
Sex therapy can help a person navigate through the unique challenges they face in identifying their unique sex by:

• Providing motivation and emotional support
• Tackling sex addictions and other compulsive behaviours related to sex
• Finding reasons behind their inability to get orgasms
• Processing reactions from society, loved ones, friends, coworkers, etc.
• Accepting one’s unique sexuality and comfortably incorporating it into their daily life

Understanding GenderGender refers to conventional roles in society which dictate how we’re expected to act, speak, dress, and conduct ourselves based upon our assigned sex. For example, girls are generally expected to dress in feminine ways and be polite, nurturing, and accommodating. Similarly, men are expected to be assertive, competitive, ambitious, and assume ‘dominant’ values.
These gender roles are not helpful to people because they might not agree with the gender assigned to them when they were born, e.g. being born with male anatomy while experiencing being female. Some people identify as gender-fluid, in which case their gender orientation exists on a spectrum and can change over time.  Gender diverse is a term that someone may use to describe their gender identity when it doesn’t align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

Understanding SexualitySexuality is a term that refers to feelings of arousal and attraction. Like sex and gender, sexuality is more complex than scientists previously thought. Every person has their own experience of sexuality, and each person has a right to choose if and how they wish to express it. Sometimes it can take quite a bit of self-exploring to define your sexuality, and even then it can still change.
You don’t have control over who you’re attracted to. Some people desire exclusively monogamous relationships, and others prefer to be polyamorous (having several intimate relationships) – and that’s just as natural as the former.
As such, issues arising from sexuality include sexual performance, sexual abuse, and abnormal sexual behaviours that can be addressed with sex therapy.
A professional sex therapist can help you address your sexuality by:

• Creating a safe space to discuss their sexuality openly and freely
• Manage crippling addictions arising from sex
• Minimize feelings of shame about their specific kinks
• Improve performance behind closed doors

Every person has their own unique problem that needs a unique solution.
If you or your loved one is struggling with issues related to sex, sexuality, gender, the dating field (improving self-confidence when meeting potential partners), or experience a lack of sexual confidence, it’s crucial to reach out for help to the right professional.

HOW Does Sex Therapy Perth Fit? At Sex Therapy Perth, we provide evidence-based counselling services to our community in Perth. Our sessions are non-judgmental and completely confidential, which means you can freely speak about your sexuality without fear of judgment.

Is sex therapy for you?

Schedule an initial consultation session with one of our experts to get to know us better and start to experience how sex therapy can help.
 
If you’re ready to book an appointment, then click here and we’ll find a time that works for you.

The explosion of the digital age has led to a modern behavioral epidemic: porn addiction.

Before the internet came along, enthusiasts had to visit their local news agency to browse for the latest issue of their favorite magazine. Or making a detour to adult shops in search for CDs or DVDs – all this restricted availability among much of the population.

Today, it is so widely accessible that the average age at which children first gain exposure to porn is 11 years old – at which point it has the potential of evolving into an obsessive interest. 

Humans are driven by their genetically hardwired need to have sex and pleasure – the overwhelming need to advance their genes. Porn taps into this desire in a way that the brain hasn’t adapted to effectively resist. The scarcity of not knowing when and if the dopamine rush will ever come back creates a supernormal stimulus. The addict stays on the lookout for more. 

Like other behavioral addictions, porn alters the brain’s reward circuits by creating alternative ‘neural pathways’ to seek reward. The more a person watches porn, the more the brain triggers dopamine – strengthening the neural pathway. This practice ultimately leads to addiction and the person seeks greater highs to trigger the release of more dopamine.

Addicts will often find themselves seeking shocking genres to boost their dopamine levels. When one kink fades, another, more shocking genre takes its place. 

As a rule of thumb: any activity that can trigger dopamine can also strengthen the neural pathway.

To explain things in an easier way. Let’s say overeating is your pathway. You know downing a few dozen burgers is pleasurable and makes you happy. The more you eat, the more pronounced this neural pathway becomes. This pathway provides you with quick access to dopamine.

The mere act of fantasizing about food will trigger dopamine pathways in the same way as actually eating food. The brain will seek to form even more neural pathways in its efforts to derive greater reward and pleasure.

Substitute overeating food for porn and you have a recipe for disaster. Because it doesn’t manifest physically in an addict – yet.

Most porn addicts can browse through hours upon hours of their favorite ‘tube’ websites, clicking through over 30 tabs of pornographic material with one hand, while masturbating with another. They never get to complete any of these videos, but rather, enjoy the prospect of seeing another video – because of the thrill of finding something new soars their dopamine levels.

The connection between porn and orgasm results in the release of dopamine – strengthening the neural pathway and making it more likely for the person to watch porn again.
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An addiction to food or drugs has limits to addicts because of their toxic effects on the body’s organs such as the heart and liver. However, porn addiction does is not defined by those limits. A person can watch pornography for hours (and even days) on end to satiate their need for high dopamine levels. 
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Porn becomes a problem when it begins to interfere with a person’s emotions, intimacy, and sexual expectations. If you feel that porn has become a major problem for you, and you want to stop watching it but you can’t, you may be addicted to porn.

Below are just a few symptoms of porn that can manifest in multiple areas of one’s life.

These include:

Constantly Distracted
Porn addicts are easily distracted because their minds constantly drift to porn when they are at work, school, or with friends and family. It even seethes into their relationships, making them distant from their partner and any efforts at reconciliation. In worst-case scenarios, it could lead to a possible job loss, poor performance in exams, and behaviors that could lead to legal consequences.

Lack of Attraction
Porn addiction can result in unrealistic expectations of beauty in a partner. This may push the partner away as they feel hurt about their appearance and makes them question their self-esteem. In worst-case scenarios, the porn addict may not feel sexually interested at all unless they get to view more porn.  

Edging and Staying Hard
Many porn addicts will try to maintain sexual arousal for several hours, in their search for the perfect video or image to ‘finish them off’. This is known as edging and affects one’s dopamine levels.

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
Excessive consumption of pornography can change a man’s appetite for sex, to the point that he no longer feels aroused by real-life sexual interactions. This is one of the worst-case scenarios as the man begins to experience erectile dysfunction. This is dangerous because the man may unknowingly decide to treat the condition through a pharmacological route – even though there may not be anything wrong with them physiologically.
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Increased Financial Spending on Porn
Porn addicts begin to seek more extreme, ‘never-before-seen’ pictures and videos of their favorite genre. This usually involves spending their savings, salary, and even borrowing money to access porn. It is not unheard of for porn addicts to accrue a mountain of debt by excessively spending on porn beyond their means. 

The road to recovery begins with admitting that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. 

Addiction to pornography is treatable. You don’t have to confront your addiction alone. Working with an expert sex therapist can help you create an effective road-map to recovery. When it comes to behavioral addictions, there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution. Everyone will have their own journey and response.  
Expert therapists can give you access to the most effective treatment methods such as cognitive behavioral therapy to help you get a ‘handle’ on porn. 

Behavioral addictions are a symptom of a wider problem. Addicts often watch inordinate amounts of porn to escape confronting their emotions or discomforting thoughts. It can be a coping strategy that may have been helpful at first, but over time can become even more harmful. Addicts may be using it to relieve stress, boredom, distraction, gain control, or simply escape from reality.

Finding out the reasons behind porn addiction is vital in devising the most effective treatment methods. A therapist helps you unravel the reasons that could be driving your porn addiction and address the underlying issue. 

Finally, it is just as important to consider the feelings of shame and stigma that surround porn addiction. The emotional burden of pornography creates a vicious cycle that promotes addiction. It’s important to discuss your experience in a safe space, learning to forgive yourself, and minimizing shame and guilt. Over time, therapy will weaken the grip porn has on you. 

Reaching out for support with a professional sex therapist can be an empowering way to work through your addiction in a knowledgeable and supportive environment. All consultations with our experienced therapists are completely confidential and non-judgmental. 

Click here to book a session with us online.

Working through infidelity is challenging. It requires massive amounts of vulnerability and energy from both partners. But your relationship isn't doomed if there has been infidelity. You can recover from infidelity and it can even, in some cases, lead to a stronger partnership than ever.
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As you and your partner move through your journey, several things can support your recovery and bring you closer together.

The emotions surrounding infidelity are intense and often erratic. It's common to feel hurt, betrayal, confusion, anger, guilt, loneliness, shame, blame and a myriad of other things. These emotions can come in waves and cycles; it might feel like you're experiencing conflicting emotions at times.

When you're in the grip of strong emotions, like those arising from infidelity, self-care becomes more important than ever. Yet, it's often one of the first things that stop. Your negative emotions can be so strong that you forget to look after yourself.

Remember to make time for the things that make you feel good. This may be exercise, meditation, socialising, reading. Whatever it is that soothes you.
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It's not indulgence, it's healing.

Many factors influence infidelity. No one thing leads someone to having an affair. By exploring these factors, you create an understanding of not only what has happened but also why it happened.

These factors can include -

• Individual functioning: how each person was feeling at the time, whether there was stress, feelings of disengagement, unhelpful coping mechanisms.
• Relational function: what was happening between you as a couple, if the relationship was neglected or unstable, conflict and communication patterns, sexual engagement, life stage changes including having children or moving in together.
• Outside stressors: influences outside the individual and couple that have an impact such as work situation.

You will see more of the "why" by understanding what you were both experiencing at the time of infidelity. 
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Often, couples benefit from learning more about how their partner responds to certain things and why their responses are what they are.

Responsibility isn't about blame or shame. It's about accountability and acknowledging what happened so both partners can come together to prevent infidelity from occurring again.
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For trust to rebuild, taking responsibility is a vital step. This is important even for the one who didn't have the affair; everyone has a part to play in the journey of a relationship.

Creating a shared view of why the infidelity happened helps you move towards recovering from infidelity as a couple. Your perspectives and understandings are in alignment, which can provide the sense of safety needed to move on from what happened.
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This sense of safety is influenced by genuinely understanding why something happened, an understanding that can only arise when both people are on the same page. And when you get why something happened, you have more control over whether it happens again and can more accurately predict what will happen in the future.

This is a time to look at your relationship based on all the things you now know and understand. Use your understanding of each other and the two of you as a couple to decide what changes might be beneficial to your relationship.
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This could mean altering your relationship in significant ways or making minor tweaks. The aim is to rebuild your relationship in a way that meets and supports both partners' needs and desires.

When infidelity has just been revealed or discovered, it can be almost impossible to consider forgiveness. The hurt and anger that's felt make forgiveness feel as though it's well out of reach. But, as the healing process continues, the time to look at forgiveness rises.

There are three critical elements in forgiveness –

• Developing a realistic view of your relationship.
• Releasing the control that negative emotions have on you. The negative emotions might still exist, but the difference is that they no longer control how you think and behave.
• Letting go, voluntarily, of punishing your partner. This applies to both the participating partner and the injured partner.

​Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt and anger disappear completely. It's not about letting anyone off the hook and saying that what happened was ok. Forgiveness is about moving forward positively.

Sex is an integral part of a relationship and gives you an opportunity for intimacy, connection and pleasure. Recovering from infidelity is not just about surviving but rebuilding the romantic connection between you in a healthy and genuine way.

You or your partner might not feel like having sex; the challenge here is to find a level of intimacy that is comfortable for you both and creates a secure bond. Touching, kissing, cuddling are all ways of being intimate.
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Communicating with your partner about your sexual needs and desires can bring eroticism back into your relationship, filling it with new vitality and excitement.

Your relationship is unique and can't be compared to an affair. Or any other relationship you've had in the past. It's a bit like comparing apples to oranges.

When there's been infidelity, often partners want to know everything. What was the sex like? Was it better than the sex with me? Did you find them more attractive than me? Did you like more than me? These questions are natural and normal. But…more hurtful than helpful.
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Apples can't be compared to oranges.

An often-overlooked part of recovering from infidelity is relapse prevention. Talking about what can be done to make sure it doesn't happen again and having a plan in place.

​Some things to think about are –

• Definition of infidelity: each person and couple has their own definition of what infidelity is. For some, it's kissing or flirting. For others, it's sex. You and your partner can set your own boundaries and expectations.
• Any personal vulnerabilities: whether there is a specific kind of person, mood or situation that makes you or your partner more vulnerable to infidelity.
• Discussion of high-risk situations: making an agreement with your partner to talk about situations where there may be a temptation to stray before acting on it.
• Disclosure: if something does happen, making an agreed time frame for disclosure. Often, the secrecy and the cover-up can be more hurtful than the act itself.

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​Working through infidelity can be challenging for you and your partner. Talking with a sex therapist can be an empowering way to work through your infidelity in a supportive and knowledgeable environment. All appointments with our experienced counsellors are entirely confidential and non-judgemental.
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 Reaching out for support can be difficult, so you can book with us online or by using any of the options on our contact page.